Pilot Episode – He runs his ship aground.
The HMAS Mulga is a rust bucket. An ageing destroyer, now a training ship. Captain Doherty, obscenely wealthy and incompetent sees himself as superior in every way. His corrupt Father-in-Law is the minister of defence. Doherty buys his rank and medals but his competence is put to the test as he circumnavigates Australia – if he does it right he will make Admiral. His Steward, Mario Naldani, is a soft spoken gentleman who grew up in a ‘mafia’ family. His father controls the ports. The Captain and Chief Coxswain dislike Mario for no other reason than he is a gentleman. Doherty, tries Feng Shui to cure his insomnia. He changes the course so his head and ship face East. He sleeps but the ship runs aground.
Episode 2 – Save the Cat
Once the ship leaves Port Fairy, Beryl’s stray cat, “Sneaky,” is discovered as a stowaway – sneaky’s mysterious passing starts a chain reaction of retaliatory events that drives the whole series.
Episode 3 – Man Overboard
The Chief Coxswain chases a sailor who is missing church service. He slips and falls in into the sea. Lost at sea. Repents his sins to God. Rescued then back to his old self. A Chief Coxswain would never own up to slipping off his ship – he insists he was pushed. And is out to ‘get them’.
Episode 4 – Captain’s Culinary Disaster
The Petty Officer cook prepares the meal at a special ‘Captain’s Table’ dinner – ignoring advice from juniors who know about the Captain’s allergies. The wardroom is thrown into turmoil as the Captain loses it.
Episode 5 – Hunt for Mutineers
Captain Doherty stops leave for everyone in Albany after an incident. A mysterious message to the Captain threatens to expose the truth about the money that changed hands after the ship’s grounding – he grants leave. He appoints Lieutenant ‘Schools’, the most clueless man aboard, to unmask the suspected “mutineers.”
Episode 6 – Loose Lips
The crew is thrown into chaos with the Captain’s paranoia. Accusations about suspected mutineers are rife. Mario tells his friend, Dinger (the chef and bodyguard) about being suspected as a mutineer. Dinger contacts Mario’s father and asks for help. His father is a crime boss and runs the ports. Dinger is sent to cells for hitting the Petty Officer Cook.
Episode 7 – Knots Untied and tied.
Lennie, a female reserve naval lawyer, visits the ship in Fremantle and quickly asserts control—freeing Dinger and exposing herself as a powerful operator. The Captain and visiting admiral falter under her pressure. Another visitor – a media mogul -demands answers as to why his son was belittled by Doherty – he wants answers. Doherty meets with his father-in-law, the minister of defence who is scheming to be PM. Doherty plans to be an admiral.
Episode 8 – All Fired Up
The ship is sent to search for a missing yachtsman off the West Australian coast. Captain Doherty needs PR photos and takes charge of the rescue. Accuses the old dying yachtsman of being a drug smuggler. The new Petty Officer Cook ‘Slug” presents expensive alcohol to some of the officers – all stolen. Schools fires a pistol.
Episode 9 – Shots of Madness
We learn that Captain Doherty, after the rescue mission, gave his gun to Schools to return to the armoury. But it was still loaded. Schools plays cowboys and shoots himself when playing. Fortunately Mario and his secret boyfriend, Midshipman Harry, who is also the Admiral’s son save him. Ship medivacs Schools to Port Headland, the doctor stays with him and shares secrets. Doherty reports to the admiral that Schools tried to take his own life.
Episode 10 – Lies, Truths and Disgrace
Ship arrives in Darwin. In Sydney the Admiral tells Schools to admit he attempted suicide to save embarrassing Captain Doherty. Admiral comes to Darwin and shacks up with an army officer’s wife. Agents photograph Admiral in compromising positions. Mario and Harry spend weekend together with Mario’s visiting crime boss father. Coxswain and Slug disgrace themselves at Army Sergeants Mess. Captain says telescope is a family heirloom – (he stole from the rescued yachtsman). Petty Officer Cook Slug does not return to the ship.
Episode 11 – Missing in Action
Dark humour prevails when the crew learn Slug’s remains have been found. Lennie is sent by the PM to sail with Mulga on a course change to Port Moresby. Doherty is furious and ‘tries’ to weaken her. Women don’t sail on my ship! Lennie’s job is to smooth the seas with the PNG government prior to Independence. Doherty hates PNG. Doherty learns Mulga will be in the royal procession with HM the Queen entering Sydney Harbour.
Episode 12 – Ambassadors & Arseholes
Ship arrives in PNG. Australian Defence Minister (Doherty’s father in law) meet with PNG officials on Mulga. Both furious when Lennie speaks Pidgin English to PNG contingent. Defence Minister (ready to challenge for the PM role) says to get rid of her. Doherty orders Lennie off ship. Sails next morning for Australia without her.
Episode 13 – The Storm before the Storm
The next day on hearing the news the Australian PM orders Mulga back to PNG at speed. Lennie rejoins ship. Navigator and Lennie friendship. Coxswain and Captain organise the charging of many sailors for poor conduct in PNG. Dance of the Flaming Arseholes was not appreciated. They ask Lennie to defend them. Panic by Coxswain. That night, in the dark, Lennie is pushed down a ladder. Thud.
Episode 14 – Losing Control
Captain and Coxswain stunned when Lennie makes an appearance. She defends the charged sailors and gets them off their charges. Time is running out for the Captain and Coxswain who are scheming behind the scenes. Doherty’s Admiral rank is in peril. The royal procession sailing into Sydney is a highlight until he learns they are the last ship in the flotilla. Minister of Defence in trouble. Who pushed Lennie?
Episode 15 – Royal Yacht Welcome
A sudden SubSunk emergency means all ships in the flotilla must head to sea. Now Mulga is left following the Flagship and the Royal Yacht into Sydney. Then an incident with the Coxswain and the Flagship causes them to head to sea. The Whole Truth newspaper reveals the scandals in government and with Captain Doherty. Mulga spews black smoke from both stacks smothering the Royal Yacht.
Episode 16 – Doherty’s Headline Act
Mulga told to head to sea – under a cloud of smoke. Royal Yacht escorted into Sydney by a small survey vessel HMAS Kendra. Admiral bashes his gay son (Midshipman Harry) and tries to force him to sign a statement that his boyfriend ‘Mario’ committed murder. Admiral and Captain Doherty promoted. More newspaper stories. Too many leaks at one time for Doherty. Doherty attacks newspaper man selling papers with the headline ‘Captain Kills Cat’.
Chapter 17 – Shit Hits the Fan
Admiral and Doherty have their promotions reversed. Nobody will take their phone calls. Doherty and Defence Minister escape in fast car to airport. Private jet to Philippines. Mario’s father has other plans – the plane land in PNG. Arrested with bags of drugs – thanks to Mario’s father. Australia doesn’t want them back. PNG wants them for past sins.
